If You Say So

So it seems that at least one person still wants me to keep up with livejournal. Alas, I'd figured no one would notice. I found it for some reason morbidly humorous that the only comment on my previous entry was a comment about wondering where all the other commenters were. It seemed a good place for "Fin" or "The End" or whathaveyou. A combination of laziness, apathy, failure to relate, and an uncertainty of what even to say more or less has stopped me from noting people. I just read, lurking I suppose. Besides, most relationships seem to fade sooner or later, be it due to me or the other party, surely it couldn't hurt to aid that process. I made another livejournal, in which I rant about things I don't wish to rant about elsewhere, because I don't want to seem too whiny or pessimistic, or certain things to be known, etc. etc. At any rate, I guess I could at least give outshadowed another entry.

I haven't been all that happy lately. I don't know if I mentioned this before or not, but I got a job at Taco Bell. I didn't start until two weeks later. I've been working about 3 weeks now, and I can't stand it. It's stressful, some co-workers seem to like to point out each and every one of my mistakes, I work hard, and don't stop at all really other than to get a drink sometimes, I have yet to take a break, and I get no compliments, I usually end up getting out of work 20-30 minutes later than I am supposed to, due to having to clean the lobby, and not being able to because customers keep coming in or I have to do dishes, no one has taught me anything other than front duty(stocking things, cleaning, taking orders at the register), and the only food I really know how to make are crunch wraps, so I feel useless and get many "you don't know how to do that!?"s, tonight is the only instance but still, customers mocking you certainly don't help when you already feel stressed, I could go on. Work just makes me feel like crap, I'm doing everything I possibly can to try and make myself seem better so I don't seem fired. There are certainly times I want to tell people off, one co-worker in particular, or to at least make my voice heard, but Kroger was a lesson I won't forget: It's not worth it to quit your job to keep your pride, because after so long you won't even have that. On the plus side, money is good. Not a lot, I only get 6 dollars an hour and seem to work somewhere in the 20s of hours each week, but it's better than nothing I guess. Life just seems pointless currently though. When I go to work, I wonder "why am I doing this?". When I come home, I wonder the same thing. I guess I am far more apathetic than before, I don't really think the rock star thing will ever happen, or even be started to happen, so I don't really have anything to look forward to. Certainly not very good thinking, but I can't will myself to practice guitar, and my singing doesn't seem that great to me. I am in the awkward phase between having hopes and dreams in high school and giving up on them and permanently having a job that I hate and a family I can barely stand.

I met a girl named Cheryn, well I met her online, but she only lives a few minutes away, she's pretty, funny, cool, generally desirable, and we've met up once. We had made plans to go to Jackson once I got my check, but the night before we were supposed to, it seems to me as if she backed out. And she seems to avoid the subject or just not really reply, to be more accurate, when I bring up future possibilities for it. Typical. I don't know why I even bother. The Travito Heat will go to waste as long as I live in this town. It seems as if she's acted differently since we met, maybe I'm really annoying in person or something. I know I'm a loser, but honestly, there must be something wrong with me if things keep going nowhere in my "lovelife".

On to lighter events, I've been hanging out with Matt and Paul, which is cool, though Paul left Tuesday for basic training in Missouri and won't be back until November, so that sucks. A couple days ago I bought a computer surely the gods themselves crafted. It has a 120GB hard drive, 512MB RAM, particularly awesome speakers and sound programs, basically I can have whatever I want on my computer now, it will function as it is supposed to, and I won't have to worry about running out of room. As opposed to the old computer. Once I get all my CDs loaded onto this, I'm going to start the radio station for my forums again, and actually have a decent selection of music to play. I am going to reformat it and set it up downstairs, but first I need to buy a router, ethernet card, ethernet cable, and a computer desk for here, so the one that is supposed to go with the old computer can go back downstairs. At least 100 bucks there, but it's worth it. The computer package was around 610, certainly not bad. I really should have bugged my mom to let me use my grad money sooner, as she didn't even really say no, she had the "it's your money, spend it how you want" attitude.

So that's the past month in a nutshell, I suppose. Nothing has changed, other than I no longer actively use an antique computer. Looking forward to trying to organize a 6-person game in Baldur's Gate II, as that'd be most likely insane, and finally beating Diablo II, no longer having to worry about lagraped when any group of monsters larger than three appear. I don't have to go to bed all that soon, since I work 5-10 tomorrow, I'm working later lately, it's certainly nice. Anyways, later.